‘Twas the night before Crufts, and all through the house………………..was a complete state of chaos and disorder. Norman packed his bags and went to stay with Sadie for the duration. I had solved my dilemma opting for the low maintenance ‘rumpled just-got-out-of-bed’ look mostly because I couldn’t be bothered to brush my chest hair and polish my medallion. That look is sooooooo 70s anyway that I don’t think even I could get away with calling it retro. I didn’t want to arrive at Crufts with bags and dark circles so, after band practice, whilst Kate and Gavin were packing, I dozed off on the settee…………dreaming of pheasants………………..until I was having a nightmare until I realised that I was awake. I rolled my eyes until the whites were showing and my hair stood on end. Just WHAT had happened to Gavins’ hair?! When he told me I flattened all my hair down again very quickly because I didn’t want to be attacked with the clippers as well.

Gavin told me that at 11.30pm, a very tired Kate insisted he ‘was not going to Crufts looking like that’ and brandished the clippers. Zchump! The hair fell away from front to back and it was then that Kate realised she had forgotten to put the comb attachment on. Now this is a chap who normally has a number 4 cut, but now he had a shaved tram line up the middle which made him look as though he had an inverse Mohican. Note: a Mohican looks like when I put up all my hackles when guarding against things that aren’t really there outside. Cue lots of manic hysterical nervous giggling from Kate. She ended up giving him a number 1 cut, artistically blending in the shaved bits. It didn’t half give me a fright when I lifted my head up when he came into the living room.

I slept nervously that night.

We got up early and I was particularly excited because last time Norman went away and bags were packed, I had a brilliant week up at the Support Dog training centre, so obviously Crufts was going to be equally good. It got a little confusing though because Gavin dropped Kate and I off at the station and then he drove off. As you can see in the photo, it was so early, that we left the house before I could fetch the newspaper in for Kate so she is reading Metro news.

Now I knew that Support Dogs had asked me to do a special assignment for them (The name’s Ernie, don Ernie di Bonio, 003, licensed to lick) but I really wasn’t expecting everyone to be sending us to Coventry!

However, we dutifully got off the train at Coventry and met a whole pack of Assistance Dogs – I represented Support Dogs then there was a Dog for the Disabled, a Canine Partner (whose human had the same name and same purple wheelchair as my Kate – too bad her dog was not black like me too!), a Guide Dog and a Hearing Dog. We were all there to present Virgin trains with an Assistance Dog Star for excellent service to Assistance Dogs.

‘Waiting for a train’

Now both Norman and I often travel with Virgin trains and we feel that this award is well-deserved for there are easy-access toilets in every coach (so there is room for me to assist); the first few seats have a little extra leg room so there is room for me to tuck in and not have to lie in the aisle getting trampled underfoot; the staff are easily identifiable on platforms (even I can see a bright red uniform) and water bowls are provided for thirsty dogs. We are often offered help to our seat by staff and have even the conductor offer to fetch Kate and I refreshments after the ticket collection. This is particularly welcome as Kate really cannot walk about up and down carriages when the train is moving. She tried it once recently, against my advice (as I’d just got myself comfortable) and promptly fell over. So well done Virgin trains! Keep up the good work! And if you’re offering, make mine a latte, please.

All the dogs and humans quickly made friends and got on the first class carriage for the last hop to Crufts. I could get used to travelling first class as there’s lots of room for dogs, although if we’re still not allowed to have a seat, then a shag pile carpet would be an acceptable alternative.

I was most surprised to find Gavin already there when we arrived (probably because he wasn’t delayed at Birmingham New Street). Apparently he took the car up as we needed it to get to our hotel that night. Handy though, as he took a few unofficial photos of the photo shoot.

Boy! Did I enjoy the photo shoot! A sea of cameras taking my picture; it was real red carpet treatment……..only there wasn’t actually a red carpet, but I posed as if there were. Does that make me a real live ‘Assistance Dog Star’?

     
Waiting for another train’                            ‘Virgin trains being awarded their Assistance Dog Star’

And then at last, we arrived at Crufts. I was delighted to find some of my pals from the training centre already there and delighted to be reunited with my training partner, Baxter. He has now qualified and had his smart new blue jacket presented to him by Dr Roger Mugford. In fact, all the Support Dogs at Crufts were presented with smart new blue jackets with, wait for it, quelle excitement, zipped pockets on either side!! I am becoming quite the fashionista! Kate has put my documentation, her medical information and spare poo bags in her side and we are still arguing about what unmentionables I am allowed to put in my side. Her argument against anything smelly or dead is that should anything happen to her and someone rummages through the wrong pocket…..well…..

Gromit welcomed everyone to Crufts and I was delighted to find someone who has bigger paws than me.

My job was to attract people to the stand which I did, I think, with great aplomb. I was so laid back, despite all the hustle and noise that I kept oozing out into the walk way providing a good trip hazard for careless crowds. I helped with the tombola, picking up dropped tickets, kissing winners and losers alike.

I was happily lying there watching the world and his dog go past when I sat up in horror. He smelt like a dog, but I really couldn’t understand what had happened to his hair! Kate explained that he was a standard poodle and that his haircut harked back to the days when they worked. Now I know I remarked earlier that I thought brushed chest hair and polished medallion was a little too 1970s, but this extreme afro eclipses that! Mind you, I can only go by what I saw in ‘Life on Mars’. Kate says I watch too much television, but I can truthfully say that I will stick to my easy-care Teflon-coated coat and definitely continue to avoid watching ‘Cutting It’ and ‘Celebrity Hairdresser’ as they’re far too scary for me! I shall also hide under the bed every time Kate gets the clippers out just in case as I don’t ever want to look as shorn as Gavin.

I did meet one television hero though – Mic Martin from Dog Borstal. I am an avid watcher of Dog Borstal (it’s the canine equivalent of armchair sport). Kate has often threatened that that is where I’ll end up if I misbehave and I think I’d quite enjoy it, if truth be told, particularly now I’ve met Mic. But as I’ve said before, I’m on ear-scritching terms with our Chief Constable which I like to think is my ‘get out of jail free’ card. On another fashion note (Crufts does things to a dog, you know) I did nearly buy an ironic ASBO vest as a way of being an anti-hero, but prefer my blue Support Dog jacket. It might have been a different story had the ASBO vest been a hoodie, of course!!

I also got within sniffing distance of Ben Fogle too, but he hadn’t got Inca with him, so I thought I’d leave him to do his television filming in peace and go sniff out a few more trade stands.

When we arrived at our hotel after the first day, I was so exhausted that I climbed onto my bed before Gavin had even managed to put it on the floor for me.

Later that evening, whilst the humans ate dinner, I managed to acquaint myself properly with Harvey, who is a Seizure Alert dog, under the table. His job is very different from mine, but we have many things in common in that we support our humans to have a full and independent life. In return we have every creature comfort!

Now Support Dogs have introduced Autism Assistance Dogs too, which made for a very busy time for us with lots and lots of enquiries. There are so many ways that we dogs can assist you humans, you know!

I would have happily stayed for the full four days, despite being caught dog-napping behind the Support Dog stand. I shall have to tell the Brass Band Federation to schedule their regional finals on a different weekend next year! I do apologise to all the readers of my blog who came to look for me and found I was not there (although as promised, my almost-as-gorgeous pals were there instead). I send a special ‘hello’ and enormous lick to the girl who came at the weekend and hugged another black Lab asking if it was ‘Ernie the famous Blog Dog’. I could do with lots of fans like you! Happily we think that the dog you mistook to be me might well be a distant relation of both mine and Normans’, all descended from the ‘Drakeshead’ line of gundogs.

‘Grabbing 20 wuffles’

There was only one flea on the dog for me at Crufts, and that was despite it being billed as the world’s greatest dog show, not all the staff were briefed about Assistance Dogs which caused Kate and I some considerable embarrassment. However, we always like to inform and look for the positive, the positive in this case being that on the second day of Crufts, all staff were briefed about the differing roles of Assistance Dogs – it’s not just Guide Dogs tha’knows! It seems that a diversity trainer can never have a day off!

I came home and slept like a puppy and sincerely hope that I am honoured enough to be asked to go again next year! Thank you all for your support – we had a really good show.

‘Sleeping it off’